Holy shit, someone drove a Buick through my post-gym falafel spot (UPDATED)

"Textured Soy Protein" (texturedsoyprotein) 11/08/2019 at 19:29 • Filed to: None

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Last year, I posted that the Halal Guys in the same strip mall as my gym is !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! in my particular corner of the DC burbs, because of all the cops who eat there. Uhhhh...so much for that!

UPDATE 1 : Local news outlets have !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!! . Apparently this happened back on October 29, according to another witness. I've been to the gym multiple times since then but it's over at the other end of the shopping center so I never noticed anything amiss at Halal Guys.

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UPDATE 2: I drove by tonight. It’s open, just a little worse for the wear.

Cash Rewards > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 09:33

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A halal guys? That asshole

ttyymmnn > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 09:36

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Buick? Driver is 70+, I’ll bet.

Your boy, BJR > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 09:36

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Roses are red, violets are not

RamblinRover Luxury-Yacht > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 09:40

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What I was thinking, particularly given it’s a few years old and not a crossover.

Nibby > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 09:41

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TheTurbochargedSquirrel > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 09:46

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In my experience early 2000 Buick sedans are either driven by someone 70+ or high schoolers who were given their grandparents car as a hand-me-down.

Svend > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 09:47

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Got the pedals mixed up?

If it’s that, I got the pedals mixed up, crap. I swear I’m going to scream. 

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 09:52

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Well they wern’t very regal about it were they?

Textured Soy Protein > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 09:56

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Around here I’d wager it’s more likely to be some random non-old person who’s the 8th owner and got it because it was cheap. 

Jason Spears > Your boy, BJR 11/08/2019 at 09:59

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First good laugh of Friday, thank you.

Ash78, voting early and often > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 10:01

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If it’s any consolation , they falafel about it.

facw > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 10:02

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Old person would have stuck around. Hit and run says DUI and/or young driver.

boredalways > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 10:06

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Drunk/Drugged hit & run

412GTI > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 10:32

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That’s my Buick!

Rainbow > facw 11/08/2019 at 10:39

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Not always, from what I've seen. Some old people are assholes.

jimz > ttyymmnn 11/08/2019 at 10:41

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couple years ago in my area some oldster managed to roll their Taurus in a parking lot.

the Taurus isn’t exactly a tippy vehicle. 

ttyymmnn > facw 11/08/2019 at 11:07

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Ah. I didn’t RTA.

ttyymmnn > TheTurbochargedSquirrel 11/08/2019 at 11:08

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Apparently, the driver bolted, so it’s probably the latter.

hillrat > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 11:22

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Fucking Maryland drivers, they’re a menace even in their own neighborhoods. 

Nom De Plume > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 12:56

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For all subsequent replays of the video I suggest queue ing this song.

Saracen > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 18:02

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#SaveTheFalafelShops

dogisbadob > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 19:32

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I didn’t know they had a drive thru :p

For Sweden > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 19:36

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Absolutely Haram

This is what we'll show whenever you publish anything on Kinja: > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 19:37

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There is a strip mall near me which had two cars smash through two different storefronts in the span of a month or so. One of them was an insurance agent and it took months for them to get around to repairing the damage. I found that delightfully ironic. Also, people can’t drive and half of those who do, shouldn’t.

Nick Has an Exocet > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 19:38

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Sounds like your area is a lot like mine. People who drove those late 90s/early 00s Buicks are the type who are the scum-of-the-earth types. Judging by the way the person drove off, I’m thinking the thought process was “not sure why that crazy bitch was screaming. I just tapped it. I should sue because that collision make me drop my joint . ”

ranwhenparked > Rainbow 11/08/2019 at 20:06

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Also, some of them are really afraid their kids are trying to take away their license and will panic and try to hide any accidents with the car.

ranwhenparked > hillrat 11/08/2019 at 20:08

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Everyone always says the drivers in their area are the worst, but I’ve lived in 3 states and worked in 7 as a field sales manager, and have never lived in or quite covered the DC area, but I can honestly say DC drivers are the absolute worst I have ever had to share the road with. And Northern Virginia and the Maryland suburbs are effectively indistinguishable from DC in all respects. 

Textured Soy Protein > Nick Has an Exocet 11/08/2019 at 20:40

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Whoa there sparky, not everyone who drives an old Buick is scum. I was only saying that 20 year old American cars around here are more likely to be owned by people who got them used and cheap, whatever their reasons for wanting/needing to buy a cheap car might be.

DC is an expensive place to live, especially if you go to the more desirable parts of town like where I am. G enerally people here who can afford to buy new cars don’t buy American brands, so there aren’t a lot of newer American cars in circulation.

This is opposed to when I lived in Wisconsin where there are many many many the turn-of-the-century Buicks on the road and lots of them  are most definitely hand-me-downs from grandma as mentioned by others. But in the Midwest and I’m sure plenty of other parts of the country, more people buy plain old regular American cars and there are more of them out in the market. 

Textured Soy Protein > ranwhenparked 11/08/2019 at 20:43

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DC drivers are definitely bad, but at least in terms of the worst offenders, Chicago is worse. DC’s baseline level of driving competency or the lack thereof is probably worse, but in Chicago there are way more people dive bombing the right lane of the highway doing 90+ mph. 

My X-type is too a real Jaguar > Textured Soy Protein 11/08/2019 at 21:37

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I bet they falafel about the accident. 

LastFirstMI is my name > Textured Soy Protein 11/09/2019 at 01:15

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It was either my great aunt Mitzi who was distracted by the phone call from the part-time Uber driver who’s running scams on his phone, or it was the Uber driver who was on the line with Mitzi. They both drive 2003 Buicks.

hillrat > ranwhenparked 11/12/2019 at 08:11

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It is widely acknowledged in the DMV (District, Maryland, and Virginia) that Maryland drivers are the worst, even Maryland drivers say so.